As some of you might notice, I am a little late getting this month’s installment posted. My job requires a great deal of travel, and lately, my laptop battery isn’t quite what it used to be, so I am severely limited on my when, where and how long I can use my computer when I’m on the road. So, while normally, I would have a few hours on a plane or in the airport terminal to write my article, this month I was severely handicapped in that area. But, take comfort, faithful reader(s), I have a new battery on the way. Let the rejoicing begin.

This month, I decided to give a few tales from the road, and talk about how they relate to life in general. This is going to be a bit “lighter” than my normal fare, and my humor has a tendency to be a bit oblique, so if any of this misses the mark, I will apologize in advance.

Number One: If you’re the only one who is complaining, SHUT UP!

I read an article from one of those in-plane magazines that talked about the signs of a true Road Warrior. The first one was that you could pick out a true Road Warrior easily when flights are cancelled or delayed. How, you might ask? The true Road Warrior is the one sitting quietly over in the corner, carrying on with his or her business, or reading the newspaper. You see, people who travel a great deal learn to “roll with the punches”. It is unrealistic to expect every flight to be on time, every day to go exactly as planned, and everything to fall into place. Many times, I have been in this situation over the past couple of years, and while it is an inconvenience when a flight gets cancelled or delayed, I realize that there is nothing that any amount of complaining will do to remedy the situation. Now, when these things happen, I find genuine humor watching the casual travelers nearly have a stroke as they are yelling at the gate agent about the Wedding, Bar Mitzvah or Bed Bath & Beyond Sale that they are going to miss because of this horrible inconvenience. My point? Life is never going to go exactly the way you plan it, and freaking out about it doesn’t accomplish anything. Save yourself the time and energy, close your mouth and find something productive to do. Chill out! Other people are experiencing the same “crisis” that you are. If you are the only one complaining in a room full of 200 people in the same situation, my advice is “shut up!”

Number Two: The person in the middle seat on an airplane should get both armrests.

Everyone knows that the dreaded “middle seat” is to be avoided at all costs. If you are in the window seat, you can lean up against the bulkhead and sleep. If you are in the aisle seat, it’s easy to get out of the row and stretch your legs. There is not a SINGLE REDEEMING QUALITY to the middle seat. Both the aisle and window seats each have one “uncontested” armrest. I am amazed at home many people who are in those seats also feel that the armrest that is shared with the middle seat is also somehow theirs as well. For the love of all that is good in the world, recognize the pain and agony of the person crammed into the middle seat, and let them have the armrests. It seems really absurd, but it can make a long trip far more pleasant, and the person in the middle seat will silently thank you for it. My point? There are tons of people around you who are suffering. Sometimes, even the simplest gesture can ease some of their pain, and let them know that someone out there cares.

Number Three: Turn your flipping cell phones off the FIRST time the flight attendants ask.

Easily one of the most annoying aspects of air travel is that moment when one of the flight attendants comes over the intercom and announces that it is time to turn off all electronic devices, including cell phones. And, for minutes following that, you still hear people chattering away on their phones. Then the second announcement comes. People still chattering away. Then the third announcement comes. Same result. For Heaven’s sake, people! Turn off your blankety-blank cell phones. I know that the fate of the world hangs upon the outcome of your phone call. I know that your business will crumble if you hang up when asked. But, if it is THAT important to stay on the call, ring the flight attendant button and ask them if they can get you on standby for the next flight. My point? Two-fold. First, nothing is THAT important. Just shut your cell-phone off. It will be there when you land, and they invented voicemail for a reason. Second, why is it so difficult to follow directions? I firmly believe that if they took air travelers and stuck them in a second grade classroom, most of them would be sent to the Principal’s Office for not following directions. Grow up, people!

So, I hope this little “intermission” provided a bit of humor couple with lessons as they apply to daily life. Stay tuned next month for more in my continuing series on how to survive these rough economic times.