The Ride of Our Lives:  Avoiding the Quagmire of “The Almost There”

One of the great joys of parenthood is watching your children discover things for the very first time.  My daughter, Eleanor, is three and a half years old, and every day, she discovers something new and exciting.  And while these things might seem mundane to the rest of us, there is something magical about “the first time”.

Recently, we sat down to watch “The Princess and the Frog” with our daughter.  She was delighted at the classic animation as well as all the singing and dancing on the screen.  She jumped up and down during the musical numbers.  She gasped at the villain (were Disney Movies always that scary???).  She cheered when the protagonists finally “won the day”.  I’m not sure which was more fun: watching the movie or watching my daughter.

And yet, it is always amazing to me that even an “old man” such as myself can pick up on something subtle in a Disney animated movie.

During one of the opening sequences, the female lead sings a beautiful, up-tempo song called “Almost There”.  The lyrics of the song center on her dream of opening an upscale restaurant in New Orleans, and the trials and tribulations she has gone through to climb the mountain toward that dream.  She works multiple jobs.  She sacrifices a social life with her friends.  She sacrifices almost everything in the name of this dream.  And over and over again, she keeps saying that she is “almost there”.  It got me to thinking:  how many of us keep saying “I’m almost there”, only to find that some time down the road, we are still “almost there”.

Many motivational gurus espouse the idea of concrete goal-setting, and I agree with this idea in principle.  A life lived without goals is an aimless life, indeed.  I believe whole-heartedly that goal-setting is in our psychological DNA.  From the very earliest age, we all have dreams to which we aspire.  I remember that as a five-year-old, my dream was to one day be Superman.  In grade school, I had a slightly more down-to-earth dream of being an astronomer.  When I graduated high school, I had a dream of becoming a medical doctor.  After my undergraduate, I had a dream of earning a Ph.D.  And I achieved that dream in 2005.  The road from “Superman” to Jesse Greever, Ph.D. was filled with ups and downs, and a constant re-evaluation of goals and dreams, but am I disappointed that I didn’t fulfill my earliest dreams of becoming a flying superhero?

Not at all.

Okay, maybe just a little…I mean, flying WOULD be cool.

So what is my point?

Only this:  in our lives, we must constantly be open to the re-evaluation and re-formulation of our hopes and dreams.  If I were still wanting to be Superman, I am confident that I would spend the rest of my life stuck in the “almost there”.  You see, I believe that there are some guidelines we must follow in order to set attainable goals, and then work our way to achieving these milestones in our lives.  Here are some practical ideas that I have for you.

A goal MUST be a challenge:  I could set a goal for myself to get out of bed every morning, but where is the joy and pride in achieving this goal?  I agree that this might be a challenging goal for someone with a debilitating physical illness, and in that case, I would applaud the achievement of that goal on a daily basis.  But for me, this is not a challenging goal.  In order for a goal to be worthwhile, it MUST be a challenge.  Then, the accomplishment of that goal carries some lasting meaning.  

A goal MUST be reasonably attainable:  It does no good to set unreasonably lofty goals for ourselves.  I will NEVER be a flying superhero, because it is not reasonable for me to expect that I will someday discover the secret to levitating my body off of the ground.  It defies physical laws.  IT IS NOT ATTAINABLE.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying that we should “dumb down” our goals.  That’s not it at all.  I believe that our goals should push us to become something better than we are today.  However, unreasonable and unattainable goals are nothing short of a recipe for poor self-esteem and increased self-doubt.  Our goals must strike a balance between being both attainable AND challenging.

A goal MUST be specific:  Don’t say “I want to be rich someday”.  Rather, say “I want to have a million dollars in my retirement account”.  It is both concrete and quantifiable.  Nebulous, non-specific goals aren’t really goals at all.  They are simply pipe-dreams.

A goal MUST have an end-point:  Even better, say “I want to have a million dollars in my retirement account by the time that I am 55 years old”.  Now you not only have a goal, but a timeline.

Finally, a goal MUST have concrete milestones:  Once you decide that you want to have a million dollars in your retirement account by the time that you are 55 years old, set up some milestones.  You might say “I want to have $250,000 in my retirement account by the time that I am 40.”  That is a first milestone.  Set up intermediate steps.  Every big goal should be made up of smaller “chunks” that allow for smaller victories along the way.  These victories are motivators to continue on toward the ultimate goal.

Now, of course, I used a monetary goal, but this can be used for any type of goal that you want to achieve.  Maybe you want to be a better parent or spouse.  Applying these guidelines allows you to think through this.  How do you define being a better parent or spouse?  Maybe you want to spend more time with your kids.  Maybe you want to make more quality time to spend with your spouse.  By sitting down and defining a challenging, yet attainable goal, one that has specific timelines and milestones, you can set a goal for yourself that can help you become what you want to be.

Goals are a tremendous tool for improving life for yourself and those that you care about.  Achievement of these goals is both life-affirming and uplifting.

And, I believe, by following these simple guidelines, we all can avoid getting bogged down the “Almost There Quagmire”.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 24th, 2010 at 5:28 pm and is filed under Dr. Jesse Greevers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.